if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
