so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
