You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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