i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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