I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
