Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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