They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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