Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
