we have officially lost it.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
