I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
