My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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