remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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