just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
