are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
