hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
