im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found the puke drawer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
