woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
