It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
