Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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