my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
