You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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