i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
