I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
