discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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