Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
