i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
