Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
