I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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