I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
