i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
