he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
