Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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