i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
