He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
