Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
