I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
