My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
