I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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