Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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