I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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