His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
