you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
