I just threw up on my dentist
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
