I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
