when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
