dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
