Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
