Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
