Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
