I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
